Frederick Warren of Chicago went into a Subway, pulled out a knife, and demanded all the cash from the register.
Then he took the cash and ran out the door and at that point…at that point…he jumped into a getaway car right? Wrong!
He took the money he stole from Subway and went across the street to a Potbelly Sandwich Shop . The cops caught him while he was still sitting in the Potbelly, finishing up his food. He had $186 in cash on him and the knife . . . and he was arrested.
Defending yourself in court is rarely a good idea, but I can tell you that allowing a STUFFED OWL to defend you in court is NEVER A GOOD IDEA. I kid you not folks, a man by the name of Charles Abbot was in court in Aspen, Colorado this week and brought a stuffed owl…set it on the desk in front of him in the courtroom and said, “This is my attorney Soloman.”
To make this story even better, Chuck Abbot was there because he had assaulted another man DURING an alcoholic’s anonymous meeting. During the proceedings the judge couldn’t help but ask for the credentials of Soloman the Owl. Chuck said, that his Stuffed Owl Attorney had law degrees from Yale, Harvard, and Stanford. He also told the judge that Soloman was a little sensitive.
Now, the guy Chuck assaulted is named Michael and in the end, the judge couldn’t make a decision but told them to stay away from each other except on Sundays. Yes, they can be around each other on Sundays because they go to the same CHURCH!
Solomon the STUFFED OWL asked for the case to be dismissed, but the judge rescheduled the hearing for next month.
First of All, Chuckie, why are you in A-A? Remember…no one likes a quitter!
Secondly, if you think the owl is talking and listening to you then you need more than alcoholics anonymous. You are coo coo!
Thirdly, Chuck, you must’ve been drunk to think an owl is an attorney. Everyone knows lawyers are snakes!
The Daily Show covers all the hot topics of the day - with a trademark wit that will still be around (one hopes!) when Jon Stewart retires.
In the meantime, we can still enjoy the spin Jon puts on the news.
Like this story about the recent court ruling that the National Security Agency overstepped the Patriot Act in its phone data surveillance program.
Jon has the perfect analogy for the ruling.
I don't want to spoil the surprise, so check it out.
You know your surveillance program has gone too far when you cannot get permission from the Patriot Act. That's like getting thrown out of an Olive Garden for eating too many bread sticks." -- Jon Stewart? Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1J5b0mq
Jon Stewart posted a video of himself doing 20 pushups recently?
To raise awareness about America's veterans by dropping and giving them twenty, and posting it to social media and GiveThem20.org.
It doesn't cost you anything - just a few minutes of your time, and calling out two friends to do the same.
Jon called out John Oliver and the New York Mets - which I'm pretty sure represents more than one person, but hey, he's Jon Stewart, and he can do what he likes.
Jon accepts the #GiveThem20 challenge with 20 push-ups for veterans and calls out John Oliver and the New York Mets. ? Visit givethem20.org and American Corporate Partners (ACP) to join him and thank returning veterans.