EJ Tyler
Posts from July 2015

What are You Kidding Me July 31, 2015

Out of England … A Step Up

A guy in Manchester, England called the cops around 11:30 Tuesday night, when he noticed a guy setting up a LADDER outside his apartment, leading to one of his windows. 
So he reported it as a possible burglary in progress.  Then while he was on the phone, he thought of something…something to end the robbery. He simply opened the window, grabbed the ladder and quickly pulled it into the apartment. The robber then just stood there shocked before running off. 
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Locations : Manchester


Crown of Clowns for July 30, 2015

Today’s Crown of Clowns goes to one Kylie Mullane!
Kylie is in a little trouble because she just slapped the crap out of her 18 year-old daughter Ashley. And yes Ashley is the one who called the cops after she got the backhand from mommy dearest. But here is why…why Kylie lost her mind and smacked her daughter…it was because her little girl flushed her weed!  You see, Kylie had been out buying some groceries and returned home to find that her gilggle grass was missing and so she flipped out. Her daughter Ashley then said, I flushed it down the toilet and “BAM” she took one across the choppers.
  1. Wait…did I say the mother was the clown?...I can I change my mind!   I kid…I kid! Kylie I fully understand having teenagers in your home makes you want to smoke your brains out, BUT let’s not resort to physical violence.
  2. Kylie, take a lesson from our very own Tony Russell…just tell your kids you need it for THE GLAUCOMA!
  3. OR Kylie you could just do what 98% of all parents do…TEACH YOUR KIDS TO SAY NO…AND THEN HIDE YOUR DANG WEED in the top of your closet!
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
People : AshleyKylie MullaneTony Russell


What are You Kidding Me for July 29, 2015

Out of Ohio … Kissing Cousins


A TV station in Youngstown  sent a reporter to check out a fire that started in a garage and spread to two houses. The garage belonged to a woman named Heather who was willing to talk on camera.  And the reporter asked her (on live TV) if she knew how the fire started, and that is when she said, “Oh yeah…my COUSIN did it.” The very nervous reporter then asked Why? 


And Heather said this about her cousin, "He's mad because he can't get with me.  I'm married to my husband . . . he already put him in the hospital once last month." COMMERICAL BREAK

 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Human Interest
Social :
Locations : OhioYoungstown


Crown of Clowns for July 29, 2015

Today’s Crown of Clowns goes to…well…a clown. Seriously, a clown was recently sighted in a Chicago cemetery late at night. The clown apparently stood in front of the cemetery waiting to be illuminated by the headlights of a passing car. Once he was seen, the clown paused, waved slowly for maximum creepy effect — then scaled the 7-foot-tall gate and ran away. Officials investigated and found no vandalism in the cemetery!

My Points:
  1. Well…this is kind of tougher than I thought it would be…Clown you are a clown, because…dang…because you are a clown. A really really creepy clown.
  2. Mr. Cemetery Clown, you can scale a SEVEN FOOT TALL FENCE. How is it you are running around dressed as a clown at night and not…not in the circus or playing in the NBA?
  3. In seriousness, If you show up when I’m going to visit my sweet Aunt Winnie or Momma Mae or Daddy Bob…I will knock your ass out.
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
People : Cemetery Clown


What are You Kidding Me for July 28, 2015

Out of New Jersey … Dumb & Dumber


Octavio got pulled over by coppers for a couple of reasons. One he darted cross three lanes and traffic and two…in the process he literally ran an officer off the road! Now with all that being said let’s forget he is also a convicted felon…and let’s forget about the fact that he had a gun in his car, because that isn’t even the stupidest part!


Because when the cop walked up to his car, they also noticed that Octavio's hands were shaking . . . and his nose and mouth were covered in COCAINE.  But when he asked him about it, Octavio claimed it wasn't drugs . . . it was because he'd just eaten a powdered DONUT. Not surprisingly, the cop didn't buy it!

 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Locations : New Jersey


Crown of Clowns for July 28, 2015

Officers pulled over Ray Woods over the weekend and noticed that he had quite the bulge in his pants.  So they asked him to step out of the car to see if he was packing heat. Ray Woods was not packing heat…..but he was blessed.  Blessed with a massive amount of heroin and cocaine. 
Get this, he had 26 bags of heroin and 41 bags of cocaine in his crotch.  Actually…it wasn’t just in his crotch he had the bags tied around his...well…testees. There you go, all in all…he had almost 70 bags of drugs…just in his pants.
My Points:
  1. Ray --- A guy with the last name Wood…getting caught because he has a bulge in his pants is just precious. So Mr. Wood thank you for making this easy.
  2. Ray --- Have you heard of something called a backpack, or maybe the old school brief case? Tying off 70 bags of the hooch to your pooch was not needed. Speaking of which…
  3. Ray --- Most people are concerned about your obvious drug problem…me…I’m worried that you can tie at least 41 bags around…around your twig and berries. So first see a lawyer and THEN rush to a doctor!
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
People : Ray WoodsWood


What are You Kidding Me for July 27, 2015

Out of Florida … Stashed

Jayson Curtiss got pulled over back in April and the cops found a bag with about a pound of a leafy green substance in his SUV.
He told them, quote, "I'm a licensed dealer of that." 
When they didn't buy that, he said, quote, "It's for aromatherapy."
When they didn't buy THAT, he said, quote, "It's my yard clippings."
So they said, "Which is it…your are licensed dealer, it’s aromatherapy, or yard clipping?" He then literally said, “I’m going to go with yard clippings.”
So they took it to a lab for testing, and it turns out it was a synthetic marijuana called "spice," which has been illegal in Florida for over two years. So Jayson was arrested and hit with a bunch of felony narcotics charges. 
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Business_Finance
Locations : Florida
People : Jayson CurtissSo Jayson


Crown of Clowns for July 27, 2015

Today’s Crown of Clowns goes to a South Carolina woman by the name of Helen Williams. Helen was arrested forstabbing her husband. She stabbed him not with a knife, but…ready for it…Helen stabbed him with a squirrel.
Oh sure, it was a ceramic squirrel, but it was still a squirrel.  Seriously, Helen hit him over the head with the squirrel, it broke, and then she stabbed him in the shoulder and chest. He is doing okay, but the reason she stabbed him with the squirrel is because he went to the store and returned without…without her Natural Light!  
My Points:
  1. Helen, I get it, when you have a craving for the always refreshing Natty Light…nothing else will do, but is it worth going to jail for?
  2. Helen, you do get creative points…I’ve heard of stabbing with a knife and even a samurai sword? You are truly nuttier than squirrel poop!
  3. Lastly, I would like to recommend Coors Light…now being served in cans, glass bottles, and the all new aluminum bottles, and for a limited time you can get an 18 pack for only $15!  Did I mention they’re a sponsor of the show?
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Locations : South Carolina
People : Helen Williams


What are You Kidding Me for July 24, 2015


Out of Florida … Getting Ahead


Ladies and gentlemen, here…here is why you should focus on getting fat and not fit when on vacations. A man who we know was in his 60s was working out in a hotel gym in Fort Lauderdale on Wednesday morning . . . he was getting pumped up for his day on “Geritol Beach.” And while he was on the chess press…well…he fell off. Yep, he just tipped over on one of the machines. He fell over & somehow got his HEAD stuck.


It took several minutes, but someone finally walked into the gym to find our poor dude just lying there on the floor with his head stuck in the fitness machine. The fire department had to come & use torches and saws to get him out. But thankfully our pumped up senior citizen is going to be just fine…the only thing damaged was his ego. 

 (0) Comments


The Crown of Clowns for July 24, 2015

We don’t have a name so let’s call him…Smokey. And Smokey is our crown of clown today…and here is why:
Smokey was riding his mountain bike in the Boise foothills and nature called…he had to go to the bathroom, but of course there were no toilets. So he stopped his bicycle and dropped his pants, dropped a deuce, and then…then he wanted to be environmentally sensitive so he lit the toilet paper on fire and…well…he also lit up 73 acres! Yes, he burned down 73 acres. Smokey turned himself in and told authorities that he accidently caught the forest on fire while lighting the toilet paper.
My Points:
  1. Smokey, I honestly feel sorry for you, because…well..your heart was in the right place, but your ass was not. It’s happened to the best of us, but we didn’t burn down half the state of Idaho.
  2. Smokey, honesty is always…always…the best policy, UNLESS you just committed a major crime. At that point you need to listen to the words of my father Green Beret Bob who says, “Deny-Deny-Deny.”
  3. Lastly, Listen to my words, because I’ve always said…Dance like no one is watching, and poop like no one is in the stall next to you. So God bless you.
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Human Interest
Locations : Idaho
People : Green Beret Bob


advertise with us
Recent Blog Posts