Gale Higley got into an argument with her son a few weeks ago…and it got ugly. How ugly you ask? Well it got physical…and the 65 year-old momma has a much different story than her son.
She says he argued with her over how to bake lasagna . . . he wanted her to make it in the oven, she wanted to use the microwave. Things escalated and she SLAPPED him.
He says…oh no…their argument was actually over how much money she'd just spent at Walmart . . . and she was so mad she STABBED him. She stabbed him right in the nipple! And then she slapped him…yes it was the dreaded nipple stab followed by a slap to the face. Either way, they both told the cops she attacked him, so she was arrested for battery.
The crown of clowns goes to one of my homeboys in Texas. Unfortunately, this story does not have a happy ending…because our clown one Tommie Woodward went down in a flame of glory.
28 year-old Tommie Boy wanted to go swimming in a pond, but there it was…a sign as big as Texas that said, "No Swimming: Alligator." Some people told him…don't do it Tommy…we saw a huge alligator in there just two days ago. And Tommie said, and I quote, "Eff that Alligator" and jumped right in.
And witness say that the gator hit him like a large mouth bass hitting a top water lure! His feet barely hit the water before out of nowhere the alligator came up and took him out. It is the first time an alligator has eaten someone in almost 10 years.
Tommie…Tommie…Tommie, in the words of the great Bill Engval, "There's your sign." No seriously, THERE WAS A SIGN.
Tommie…you would have thought you would have at least called Crochodile Dundee to join you or maybe Steve Irwin…oh wait..moving on
Tommie, you can rest in peace because this happened in Texas…meaning the Alligator is now two pair of boots and one hell of a belt!
Tommy Ray is dumber than a box of hair and here is the proof…he recently broke into someone's home and smashed…smashed a vase of the owner's head then stole his credit cards, cell phone, and some jewelry! Now, that isn't what makes him dumb…that just makes him mean and nasty. What makes him dumb…a down right idiot is he did this while wearing his GPS ANKLE BRACELET! Yeah, the ones they give criminals on probation to know exactly where they are at any given second.
Our Crown of Clowns today is NOT…I repeat…NOT funny but I'm sorry, this guy by the name of Devon Staples has to get a Crown of Clowns. Unfortunately, he also now has a crown in heaven because Devon decided to shoot a mortar style firework from the top of HIS HEAD!
He stood the mortar tube on top his head and lit the fuse and apparently the mortar ball did not leave the tube and bye bye Devon.
It's one thing to love fireworks but you didn't have to lose your head!
Devon…next time you should…oh wait, but anyway…have you never heard of bottle rocks or black cats! A mortar? Seriously!
Devon, fortunately for you…there is not an IQ requirement to get into heaven.
Today’s Crown of Clowns goes to Carl McCoid…Carl is a grown man with three children but that hasn’t stopped him from getting 29…29…I SAID 29 Miley Cyrus tattoos. And of course one of his daughters is named Miley and another is HANNAH. And it was around the time he got his 29th Miley Tattoo that his wife divorced him and he admits it MIGHT have been a mistake. He admits to spending almost $5,000 on his Miley Ink.
Carl, I would like to thank you for taking creepy to a whole new level. Seriously, I thought Randy The Biscuit’s Mary Kate & Ashley’s tattoo was creepiest thing ever…but you win.
I don’t want to call you a slow learner, but did you not start thinking it was a bad idea at ….i don’t know…say number 10 or even 15???
Lastly, I saw the tattoos…were they done by Stevie Wonder? I’m assuming the huge one on your back is supposed to be Miley on a WRECKING BALL, but it looks like she is giving birth to John Goodman.
Washington Nationals pitcher Max Scherzer was one strike away from becoming the 24th pitcher in Major League history to throw a perfect game. Instead he had to settle for a no-hitter thanks to a controversial hit batter.
With two outs in the ninth inning and two strikes on the batter, Scherzer hit Jose Tabata with a pitch ending the bid for a perfect game (via MASN). And lots of people believe Tabata leaned in TO purposefully get hit!
1-There is no controversy here…It’s obvious that Jose Tabata is the clown and leaned into the pitch. Sure Jose tried to hide it…but it’s like Tony trying to hide that bald spot on top of his head…everyone sees it.
2-Jose Tabata, you have zero home runs this year…zero…goose egg. It was the last inning and 6 to nothing. You could have let it go.
3-Lastly, Max’s dad was in the crowd and it was Father’s Day…Jose you should be suspended from baseball.
Henry decided to try and break into an adult TOY store last week. The name of the store is Totally Adult and they sell movies, toys, and such…and late in the evening while the store was still open Henry dropped down through the ceiling wearing a super hero costume.
It was the worst costume of all times by the way…it was crotch- less pants and hot pink wig! When the store manager confronted him he began smacking her with…well…one of the large toys. She then picked up one of her own and apparently they stood there jousting for some time and then Henry escaped back through the roof. Unfortunately we don't have surveillance footage, but he was captured.
Today’s Crown of Clowns goes to Brian Williams & NBC. His six-month suspension will be up in August . . . and the latest rumor is that NBC has worked out a deal where he WILL remain with the network, but will NOT return to the "NBC Nightly News" anchor chair.
LESTER HOLT has been filling in for Brian since February. Under this plan, he'd become the permanent host. It's unclear what Brian's new duties would be . . . but it sounds like he may be working behind the scenes.
By the way, he signed a five-year, $50 million deal right before his suspension and it will remain INTACT!
1-Brian, what you did was pretty stupid…especially for a guy who was able to win a Nobel Peace Prize, walked on the moon, and capture Sadam Hussein
2-NBC, I don’t know which is worse…you are still going to pay Brian FIFTY MILLLLLION DOLLARS A YEAR, or you are replacing him with a guy named LESTER. No one and I do mean no one TRUSTS a dude named LESTER.
3-But I’ll tell you who they would trust with their nightly news…F-I-T with Z! Think about it, "It’s your nightly news on NBC with me...F-I-T-Z."
Police in Seattle were looking for a 39-year-old guy named James Tyler recently. He's accused of shooting a guy at a gas station last Tuesday. And believe it or not, the rest of this story is nothing but good news. First, the guy James Tyler shot is going to live! And secondly, the coppers just caught Jimbo Tyler. How? Because all they had to do was look for a Mercedes with his name on it. And sure enough a Seattle officer on patrol noticed a Mercedes drive by and right there on the license plate it said…Tyler.
Today’s Crown of Clowns goes to Kang……Kang Hu in China. Kang recently got to see his future wife for the very first time. You see, Kang’s family arranged the marriage and he didn’t get to see her until the wedding day.
So there he was standing at the ceremony when she walked up and lifted her veil and at that very moment he ran…he ran and jumped in a river and tried to drown himself. NOW…He was eventually fished out of the water and after they brought him back from the great beyond he said that she wasn’t what he expected. He told his family that she would be bad for his image.
1- Kang…Kang…Kang I saw your picture…you ain’t no prize either, but remember…90% of married couples get married and then let themselves go to hell any way. Seriously, she just got a head start on it.
2-Kang…you are very shallow and you’ve lost your focus. You don’t focus on the face…it’s all about the base…what’s that booty look like? And most importantly does she have birthing HIPS?
3- Kang…just because someone is ugly doesn’t mean you can’t love them and stay married…Just ask Tony’s wife. She has stayed with him for almost 20 years.