TODAYS CROWN OF CLOWN GOES TO THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT IN WASHINGTON D.C.
You see, A drummer's fart has cost a Washington D.C. nightclub $500. I repeat… A drummer's fart has cost a Washington D.C. nightclub $500.
Seriously, a drummer playing in the Madam's Blues Bar cranked one out, and then to lessen the impact…he opened a window. Well, that broke a law in WASHINGTON DC. because bars are not permitted to have windows open when a band is playing.
So I kid you not, at 1:30 in the morning a person from the Alcohol Beverage Admin spotted the open window and gave the bar a fine. And to make this more absurd, the Alcohol board spent one year perusing legal action against the bar…AGAIN.. because a dude opened a window to air out his fart!
Ladies and Gentleman let’s please remember this was WASHINGTON D.C. AKA one of the murder capitals of the world, AND they are worried about an open window.
Here is an idea, we have had to people jump the fence at the white house…as in the president of the usa’s house…maybe you should spend some time checking the windows there!
You guys are worried about one guy’s little fart…when the white house has 100s of elected officials who are COMPLETELY full of crap!!! REALLY???
Do you have someone that is tough to buy for because they have everything? Well there is now something for sale you may want to consider picking up. I’m talking about the head of a saint…St. Vitalis. St. Vitalis died in 1370 and was a rare saint because he was quite…quite the lady’s man and partier earlier in his life before he turned into a monk. And because of his earlier excursions to the dark side that is why he is the patron saint of genital diseases!
A woman in Maine has set a world record. It isn’t a record to be proud of but it’s a record. Her name is Ebony Howard and while being processed at the jailthe correction officers had to go on a search and rescue mission and found not one….not two…but 645 oxycodone pills in and around Ebony’s lovely body. She could get 30 years in prison.
A woman crashed into a mailbox last month, and at first coppers couldn’t figure out how in the world she could have done it. No one pulled out in front of her…she didn’t appear to be drunk…so they were at a loss. Until…until they looked in the passenger floor and back seat and saw 13 empty cans of whipped cream. She finally admitted that she’d been doing whip-its, which is where people suck on cans of whipped cream like a Hoover! Yes, she was high on whipped cream and briefly passed out.
Note: Doing whip-its can cause brain damage or DEATH, so don't do it.
Out of England … Riding High
There was a huge nude biking event on Saturday…yes, Kent, England hosts one of the largest NUDE bike riding events in the world and this was the first…first year someone got disqualified for well…the dude was a little too happy to be riding. The organizers of the race said, quote, "It looked like he was enjoying the event a bit too much . . . it was a horrible sight."
Out of Florida … Bingo!
82-year-old Fred Smith showed up at his weekly bingo game that he absolutely loves. I mean, Fred is 82 and he literally lives to go to bingo and so he showed up at his favorite bingo hall and right there in his seat…in the seat he always puts is wrinkled buns in was Ethel Britt.
Ethel was sitting in his seat and she would not give it up…so he stormed out and found her car in the parking lot and took an ice pick to her tire! Unfortunately, the bingo hall had a security camera. So at 82 her got arrested for criminal mischief.
This my friends is the most incredible WAYKM story of ALL TIMES and let me warn you it is graphic! And please pit-bull lovers don’t email me…I’m not condoning this behavior.
A woman in Boone County WV by the name of Audrey Ranch has been warned…she has been warned to stop hurting her son’s pitbull. I kid you not that this 62 year old granny got in trouble because she is mean to a pitbull.
And she recently got into a wrestling match with Pedro. Yes, the pitbull’s name is Pedro, and last week Audrey ran out in the front yard and tackled Pedro the pitbull and then let me read what happened.
A witness there in WV said, “Eventually she bit Pedro’s acorns clean off right there in the front yard,” And the witness continued. “Pedro high tailed it screeching like a wild man and when I tried to subdue Audrey, she knocked me out with an old tricycle.”
Audrey the acorn biter explained her actions to police by saying, “My son ate all the meat and I had warned him if he ate all the meat, I’d eat his dog.” The dog underwent emergency surgery and is expected to make a full recovery. Ranch is facing charges of aggravated animal cruelty.
Sabrina Davis of Muncie, Indiana was at barbecue with some friends, and they cooked up a big ole’ mess of the always delicious barbecue ribs. And apparently they were AMAZING, because Sabrina spotted one last rib…one last beautiful glistening barbecue rib and went for it.
Well, Angela Watkins told her to get her hands off of it and to quit eatin up all the food! So Sabrina, who stands about 5’ 8” and weighs around 260 pounds, then looked at Angie and said, “OH HELLLLLL NO” and then STABBED HER IN THE EYE. And then Sabrina ate the last rib like a piranha!
Luckily, Sabrina didn’t make direct contact to the EYE BALL, BUT STILL PEOPLE…she stabbed her over the last rib and ended up getting arrested.
One…Mam, Honey…I don’t want to be rude…seriously I’m not being a jerk, but you are 5’ 8” and weighs 260 lbs. Give someone else the last rib.
Two…And Anglela, I’m also giving you an honorary Crown of Clowns, because, …well YOU threatened a woman who is 5’ 8” 260 lbs! You are like 5 feet nothing! What are you thinking?
Three…Send me your recipe for barbecue sauce, because it is obviously TO DIE FOR!
Frederick Warren of Chicago went into a Subway, pulled out a knife, and demanded all the cash from the register.
Then he took the cash and ran out the door and at that point…at that point…he jumped into a getaway car right? Wrong!
He took the money he stole from Subway and went across the street to a Potbelly Sandwich Shop . The cops caught him while he was still sitting in the Potbelly, finishing up his food. He had $186 in cash on him and the knife . . . and he was arrested.
If you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, or even the loss of a relationship through divorce or a breakup please listen to my interview with my friend and grief expert Janelle Biagioni by clicking HERE! :)