Fitz




Crown of Clowns for June 26, 2015

Today's Crown of Clowns goes to Carl McCoid…Carl is a grown man with three children but that hasn't stopped him from getting 29…29…I SAID 29 Miley Cyrus tattoos. And of course one of his daughters is named Miley and another is HANNAH. And it was around the time he got his 29th Miley Tattoo that his wife divorced him and he admits it MIGHT have been a mistake. He admits to spending almost $5,000 on his Miley Ink.

My Points:

  • Carl, I would like to thank you for taking creepy to a whole new level. Seriously, I thought Randy The Biscuit's Mary Kate & Ashley's tattoo was creepiest thing ever…but you win.
  • I don't want to call you a slow learner, but did you not start thinking it was a bad idea at ….i don't know…say number 10 or even 15???
  • Lastly, I saw the tattoos…were they done by Stevie Wonder? I'm assuming the huge one on your back is supposed to be Miley on a WRECKING BALL, but it looks like she is giving birth to John Goodman.

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Crown of Clowns for June 22, 2015


Washington Nationals pitcher Max Scherzer was one strike away from becoming the 24th pitcher in Major League history to throw a perfect game. Instead he had to settle for a no-hitter thanks to a controversial hit batter.
With two outs in the ninth inning and two strikes on the batter, Scherzer hit Jose Tabata with a pitch ending the bid for a perfect game (via MASN). And lots of people believe Tabata leaned in TO purposefully get hit!

MY POINTS:

1-There is no controversy here…It's obvious that Jose Tabata is the clown and leaned into the pitch. Sure Jose tried to hide it…but it's like Tony trying to hide that bald spot on top of his head…everyone sees it.

2-Jose Tabata, you have zero home runs this year…zero…goose egg. It was the last inning and 6 to nothing. You could have let it go.

3-Lastly, Max's dad was in the crowd and it was Father's Day…Jose you should be suspended from baseball.


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Topics : Sports
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People : Jose TabataMax ScherzerWashington Nationals




 

What are You Kidding Me for June 18, 2015


Out of Australia … Not So Super

Henry decided to try and break into an adult TOY store last week. The name of the store is Totally Adult and they sell movies, toys, and such…and late in the evening while the store was still open Henry dropped down through the ceiling wearing a super hero costume.

It was the worst costume of all times by the way…it was crotch- less pants and hot pink wig! When the store manager confronted him he began smacking her with…well…one of the large toys. She then picked up one of her own and apparently they stood there jousting for some time and then Henry escaped back through the roof. Unfortunately we don't have surveillance footage, but he was captured.
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Topics : Entertainment_Culture




 

Crown of Clowns for June 18, 2015


Today's Crown of Clowns goes to Brian Williams & NBC. His six-month suspension will be up in August . . . and the latest rumor is that NBC has worked out a deal where he WILL remain with the network, but will NOT return to the "NBC Nightly News" anchor chair.

LESTER HOLT has been filling in for Brian since February. Under this plan, he'd become the permanent host. It's unclear what Brian's new duties would be . . . but it sounds like he may be working behind the scenes.

By the way, he signed a five-year, $50 million deal right before his suspension and it will remain INTACT!

My Points:

1-Brian, what you did was pretty stupid…especially for a guy who was able to win a Nobel Peace Prize, walked on the moon, and capture Sadam Hussein

2-NBC, I don't know which is worse…you are still going to pay Brian FIFTY MILLLLLION DOLLARS A YEAR, or you are replacing him with a guy named LESTER. No one and I do mean no one TRUSTS a dude named LESTER.

3-But I'll tell you who they would trust with their nightly news…F-I-T with Z! Think about it, "It's your nightly news on NBC with me...F-I-T-Z."
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What are You Kidding Me for June 17, 2015


Out of Washington … You're So Vain

Police in Seattle were looking for a 39-year-old guy named James Tyler recently. He's accused of shooting a guy at a gas station last Tuesday. And believe it or not, the rest of this story is nothing but good news. First, the guy James Tyler shot is going to live! And secondly, the coppers just caught Jimbo Tyler. How? Because all they had to do was look for a Mercedes with his name on it. And sure enough a Seattle officer on patrol noticed a Mercedes drive by and right there on the license plate it said…Tyler.

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Topics : Human Interest
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Locations : SeattleWashington
People : James Tyler




 

The Crown of Clowns for June 17, 2015


Today's Crown of Clowns goes to Kang……Kang Hu in China. Kang recently got to see his future wife for the very first time. You see, Kang's family arranged the marriage and he didn't get to see her until the wedding day.
So there he was standing at the ceremony when she walked up and lifted her veil and at that very moment he ran…he ran and jumped in a river and tried to drown himself. NOW…He was eventually fished out of the water and after they brought him back from the great beyond he said that she wasn't what he expected. He told his family that she would be bad for his image.

My Points:

1- Kang…Kang…Kang I saw your picture…you ain't no prize either, but remember…90% of married couples get married and then let themselves go to hell any way. Seriously, she just got a head start on it.
2-Kang…you are very shallow and you've lost your focus. You don't focus on the face…it's all about the base…what's that booty look like? And most importantly does she have birthing HIPS?
3- Kang…just because someone is ugly doesn't mean you can't love them and stay married…Just ask Tony's wife. She has stayed with him for almost 20 years.
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Topics : Human Interest
People : Kang Hu




 

Crown of Clowns for June 5, 2015


Members of an Air Force Intelligence and Surveillance team just spotted an ISIS member in Afghanistan…and they spotted him from Florida! Here is how…the idiot posted a selfie on Facebook or Twitter! The guy posted the selfie and bragged about taking over and holding tight to a building. Well, the Air Force took the photo and used it to determine EXACTLY where the ISIS members were located and 22 hours later the building that psychopath was bragging about NO LONGER EXISTS. It is now a puff of smoke and so are several ISIS members.
MY POINTS FOR THE ISIS SELFIE DUDE:
  1. Four words…SUCKS TO BE YOU…and it really sucks because you NOW know there were NO virgins waiting on you in Heaven. Satan yes……virgins? Not so much
  2. It is comforting that there obviously ISN'T an IQ minimum to join ISIS.
  3. Again PEOPLE, if I've said it once…I've said it 1,000 times…SELFIES ARE THE NUMBER ONE KILLER IN AMERICA AND NOW…NOW the number one killer of ISIS JIHAD FREAKS.
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Locations : Florida




 

Crown of Clowns for June 4, 2015

A reporter in Brazil was covering a police chase, and when he arrived on the scene he quickly ran over to interview a man who was face down on the pavement, and after a few questions and not getting any answers he got frustrated and gave the dude one more chance…one more chance to answer his questions. It was at that point he realized why the dude wasn't answering him.

The reporter had just spent a few minutes trying to interview a DEAD MAN! And at that point the reporter…wait for it…laughed!

So here are my points for Mr. Reporter who tried to interview a dead guy:
  1. You laughed…you seriously laughed, I strangely respect that, BUT it also shows you are a complete jackass.
  2. I'm no expert, but you should probably at least make sure the person you are interviewing is standing up and THEIR EYES ARE OPEN.
  3. So, Mr. Reporter, Make a note to self, when the skin is blue, there is no movement, AND HIS LEGS ARE BEHIND HIS NECK…probably dead as hell!
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Topics : Human Interest
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People : Make




 

What are You Kidding Me for June 4, 2015 (WAYKM)

Out of New York … You Name It

There is a woman named Jessie Dong, yes she is Mrs. Dong but that isn't the WAYKM part…The WAYKM part is that she just opened a new restaurant and called it, "I DON'T KNOW." Seriously, she named her restaurant, "I don't know." And do you know why?

She says she picked that name because whenever she asks her three kids or her husband for that matter…where they want to eat, they always say, "I don't know." There's no word on how her restaurant's doing so far.

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What are You Kidding Me for June 3, 2015

Out of Florida … Return to Sender

Daniel Palmer of Miami Beach mugged a tourist . . . he pulled a gun on the guy and demanded his gold chain. The guy gave it to him, and Daniel ran off.

But when he was about a block away, he realized the chain was FAKE gold. And he was so mad that he turned around . . . ran BACK up to the guy . . . he literally went back to complain to the guy he mugged!

That gave the guy a chance to flag down the cops . . . Dumb Dumb Danny was arrested.
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Locations : FloridaMiami
People : Daniel PalmerDumb Dumb Danny




 

Crown of Clowns for June 3, 2015

Today's Crown of Clowns goes to the always entertaining Lil Wayne who was recently playing in...now listen to me now...he was playing in a "Stop The Violence" celebrity basketball game.

Yes it was a day dedicated to being a great influence to the youth of America. Lil Wayne and other celebrities sent the message to "Stop The Violence"...well...they did until their was a bench clearing brawl and Lil Wayne spit...yes spit into the face of the referee!

To make this more dramatic...in the video....you can hear a little kid scream, "Lil Wayne! Stop the violence."

My Points:
1. Lil Wayne...you are 5' 6" and a buck O 5...what are you doing on the basketball court? Were you taking a break from horse racing?
2. Let's see, the name of your new album is, "I'm not a Human Being"...well, no argument here. But you are definitely an A-HOLE
3. Lastly, who is the MORON who invited a convicted felon with tear drop tattoos to a "Stop The Violence" event???
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Topics : Human Interest
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People : Lil Wayne




 

What are You Kidding Me for June 2, 2015

Out of Massachusetts … She's The Bomb

Let's say your parents had paid a small fortune for your college education and as graduation day got closer you realized…they would be flying in BUT you had failed to tell them that…well…you dropped out of college last semester. What would you do?

Well most people would call and break the news but not Danielle Shea. No Danielle decided to call in a bomb threat 20 minutes before the graduation started. And we can guess she isn't very intelligent because she used her PERSONAL cell phone to do so.

So cops tracked her down in the less than 1 hour, the graduation continued, and she was arrested.

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Topics : Education
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Locations : Massachusetts
People : Danielle Shea




 

For this Tuesday, June 2nd , 2015, we crown this clown…

The Department of Homeland Security said that the acting administrator for the Administration would be reassigned, following a report that airport screeners failed to detect explosives and weapons in nearly every test that an undercover team conducted at dozens of airports.

According to a report based on an internal investigation, "red teams" with the Department of Homeland Security's Office of the Inspector General were able to get banned items through the screening process in 67 out of 70 tests it conducted across the nation.

POINTS:

1. I don't want to be too tough on you guys, because we can all agree your job sucks. But would it kill you to smile? Seriously, if you are going to let a small arsenal of weapons and bombs hit the friendly skies every day…YOU could at least be friendly

2. Let's review, you make us remove our shoes, stand in long lines, you make us check all of our crap, you xray us, and then you run a magic wand over our privates…and you missed weapons & explosives 95% of the time? Chuck E Cheese has better security.

3. Seriously, that's like 67 out of 70…that means you only did your job 5% of the time. Even Tony does his job right 10% of the time! And he reads STUPID NEWS! FOR GODS SAKE, You are protecting the world!

Therefore, TSA, I award you with today's crown of clowns!
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People : Chuck E Cheese




 

Crown of Clowns for June 1, 2015

I hate to bring this up, but it's official…the Olsen Twins have said they will not be part of the Full House revival or spin off.

For those of you who don't know, There will be a Full Hous reunion and then a spin off called, "Fuller House". But Ansley and Mary-Kate say they can't be a part of it because they are going to focus on their fashion brands and business endeavors."

John Stamos tweeted, "#heartbroken. I understand they're in a different place and I wish them the best."

My Points:

1. Mary-Kate & Ashley…I follow you on Instagram, quit posting duck lips photos and get your butts on the set of Fuller House. You are duck lipped billionaires because of Fuller House!

2. I seriously don't understand how can you turn your back on Full House and make John Stamos…who is precious…cry.

I repeat, you've made John Stamos cry. His tears have been known to cure arthritis and high cholesterol and you are wasting them!

3. If I send you my Mary-Kate & Ashley Lunchbox will you sign it?
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People : Ashley LunchboxJohn Stamos