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Tony, Ellen & Biscuit


What are You Kidding Me: He got drunk and stuck where?

Out of Ireland … Not So Happy

Early Tuesday morning a drunk man in his 20s went into McDonalds to get his munchies on, and so he ordered himself the always affordable and delicious Happy Meal with a chocolate shake.  And then the full size man walked over and locked himself…locked himself into a high chair. 

Yeah, our little drunk buddy was just having some fun, but it all quit being fun when he found out he was literally stuck…stuck IN the high chair.  In the end, it took three cops to get the guy out of the high chair, but no charges were filed.  I love the news release from McDonalds Ireland who simply said, “McDonald’s is aware of the incident…we recommend that children don’t use the high chair without adult supervision.” 


Out of Washington … Dude, where’s my car?

On Tuesday, Virginia Maiden of Kennewick woke up to discover that her Toyota 4Runner had been stolen.  So she called the law, filed the report, and then caught a ride to her job at McDonalds.  And about 2 hours later while Jenny was working hard in the “Mickey Dees” drive through a a midsize SUV pulled up.  A 4Runner that looked just like hers and you know why?  IT WAS HER 4 RUNNER! 

And when the little thief pulled up to the window she played it cool as she handed the thief her amazingly crisp and perfectly cooked chicken wrap.  Then Jenny rushed to call the police.  And the thief,  one 22 year-old Kathy York, was quickly arrested within the hour.  By the way, when cops found her she admitted stealing the 4Runner so that she could go to JcPenny & Sears where she stole a bunch of clothes.  At least she has great taste. 
Out of Georgia … Burning Down The House

Phillip Bennett has been very upset, well, downright ticked off at his neighbor Marty.  Phil says that Marty lets his grass grow way too high and it looks horrible.  So he walked over to his house and told him that he better cut his grass by Wednesday or…or…or he would turn him into the Home Owners Association! 

Well Wednesday came and went and Marty didn’t cut his lawn.  So The Real Deal Phil walked over and decided to teach him a lesson by lighting, yes lighting his house on fire.  No kidding!  He walked over, broke out one of Marty's windows and poured gasoline onto the floor and struck a match!  And he did this while the entire family, which included a 3 year-old, were inside.  Thankfully no one was injured, but the house is torched and Phil is facing a ton of charges.   Did I mention that this all happened over grass…not even the good grass, but the grass grass! 
Out of Florida … Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

Last week Carlos Baca was backing up his pickup when he slammed right into another car.  But instead of stopping and exchanging info, he TOOK OFF!  The other driver simply took down his license plate number and called the cops.  They traced Carlos down and he had what I consider to be a very valid excuse.  He said that he had to rush off because he, “just had some bad Chinese food.” 

The cops even noted in the report that he did indeed appear to be on the verge of, and I quote, “defecating in his pants.”  So while the coppers were sympathetic to Carlos getting bad won tons, and did cut him a break on the hit and run…they still sited him for having a suspended license. 

05/17/2013 7:03AM
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