I'm not sure any bank robberies this year have been as GUARANTEED TO FAIL as this one. Earlier this week, 29-year-old Johnnie Gooden Jr. of College Station, Texas walked into a Chase bank branch in Bryan, Texas and told the teller one hell of a story.
Johnnie told her he'd just been ADOPTED by MICHELLE OBAMA . . . yes, specifically Michelle. He didn't mention his new dad,PRESIDENT OBAMA. He said Michelle reached out through Facebook and adopted him. SO . . . because he was now a part of the Obama family, he was hoping to withdraw some money from their account.
We're not sure why he thought a random Chase bank in Texas would have access to the Obamas' account, but maybe it's best not to try to apply logic here. The teller called the cops, and when they got there, they found Johnnie had outstanding warrants for resisting arrest and assaulting a public servant. He also had some reefer on him. He was arrested.
(Houston Chronicle / Opposing Views)